Undecided

So, today’s post is going to be a little different. I have a confession that I would like to share with my readers.

Recently I have been having a mid-college crisis.

I realized this year that I have NO idea what I want to do for my future career, my major, my minor, my everything. I chose American for its International Relations program, only to find out that I actually don’t like International Relations.

I switched from IR to environmental science to computer science….then to biology, to literature, to communications, and then was considering a final switch to psychology. I like environmental science, but do I really want to make a career out of it? I like psychology, but do I really love it? In every class I attended, every on-campus event I went to, I felt like every student around me had the next ten years of their lives figured out. I was overwhelmed with uneasiness, anxiety, and pressure the minute I stepped onto campus. I know that the end of sophomore year and the point where I have to declare is looming, which was making my stress even worse. I dreaded people asking me what my major was, only to say I was undecided and seeing their forced smile as they not-so-reassuringly say, “Oh…well, you still have time!” with the awkward pause to follow and in my mind I’m aggressively giving you the middle finger because you’ve known your major since junior high. Well, at what point does my time really run out?

Lost, I finally decided to go to the campus career center and have a talk with an advisor. And I, with the help of my advisor, realized something highly important: Just fuck it all. Now before you go and throw out your textbooks and quit school or close this site for my highly inappropriate language, let me explain. College, of course, is extremely important. While it’s not always needed to succeed or find out what you love, many of us need it to be successful in the future.

However, I am still learning who I am and figuring out what I like. I should not be expected at 18, 19, 20, even 21 to figure out what my future career is. I don’t know what I love yet because I have yet to try it. So let me change my major 5, 6, 10 times. And spare me your wide-eyed fake smile and “reassurance” of my future. I don’t need reassurance. I don’t need you to tell me that I won’t graduate in four years. I need you to say, “that’s awesome” and keep going with the conversation because it is awesome.

So, for the people out there that tell you that switching your major to something you think you love or dropping a class or transferring will lead to you living in a box on the streets, just fuck them all. And for the statistics telling you what majors to study in to make the most money, just fuck it all.

College is the time to figure what you like. Try courses you have never even heard of, go to events that you think you might like. And hey, if you don’t like it, you just narrowed your search a little bit more. It’s all about trial and error. Make a list of your interests and then ball that piece of paper up and dunk it in a trash can and go DO. Go to new coffee shops, book stores, museums. Talk to professors, any professor. Go to their office hours or email them. Tell them you are confused about life and you think you might be interested in what they do. Talk. Go. Do. Listen. Even if you leave college with just an inkling of knowledge what you want to do, thats something. A whole lot of something to apply to the real world.

I encourage you all to talk to your school’s career center or advisor as well. They are there to help you decide what you like…oh and watch the move Accepted.

For all those people that have known what they want to do since seventh grade, that’s awesome too. But for now, I am just going to fuck it all and find out what I love my own way.

If you feel similar to any of the feelings explained above, or want to rant about not knowing your future, comment below or send me an email and we can be lost together.

 

 

5 comments on “Undecided

  1. thank you for this.sending email to you now.

  2. ryan r on said:

    accepted is a chill movie. I am a senior and I still dont know what I want in life……

  3. thank you. just thank you, and yes fuck it alll.

  4. I am a college junior at GW. I have no idea…still…what I want to do. And I feel like i am a ostracized member of my school because of it. GW is a college full of people who have been doing what they know they want to do since kindergarten. This post is so inspiring and so reassuring coming from such a good writer and such a smart person. FUCK IT ALL.

    also @ryanr, accepted is my life. lets start a college. gf, you in?

  5. Charles II on said:

    You’ll figure it out – no one has it figured out. Not even those in their career field. Just follow that ticker below your licker.

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